Wholeness and Integration. Prien am Chiemsee, 2023.

In turbulent times, in times of change and loss, it is very important to regain your inner wholeness and allow integration to take place. This will not be done by someone else, whether it is a psychologist, psychotherapist, spiritual teacher or mentor, priest, tarot reader, astrologer, karmologist, or someone else, only you can and should do this. And it is your inner wholeness and integration that will allow you to move forward with change and become who you really are and have always been, you just forgot.

All my life, when I started something new, I crossed out the old, just as if it had never been in my life. Sometimes I never even went back to it, sometimes I cried that I had lost it and couldn't do it anymore for some reason. So, year after year, I was tearing off, or even better to say, chopping off a part of myself, playing the game that it was not me, and the current me is completely different and I now have new images, roles and statuses in society. I didn't realize that time that I was dismembering myself into small pieces and quietly and slowly killing my strength and my gifts. I didn't know that time that being in the state of "And", the state of the Master, I could be both, be able to do both, be an expert in many areas at once, not just one.

Since 2019, I have been on my journey, an inner journey to my true self, my transformation and healing. This journey is difficult, exhausting, and painful, but it opens my eyes, it awakens, it changes, it expands energetically and opens my wings, it heals wounds and illuminates the darkest corners of my being, showing the way, a new path, my path, the path to myself, the path coming back home....

I realized how much I had dismembered myself into billions of pieces during these forty years, each time cutting off a part of my true essence, a part of the Yuliia I was, am, and will be. The process of integration is challenging and exciting at the same time because it allows you to see the perspectives and, by gaining the integrity, to do something completely new and fantastic.

I have always been a creative person since childhood. I had periods when my creative nature hibernated for many years under the influence of external circumstances, such as all the years of studying at school and periods of creative stupor and melancholy between projects; but then there were periods of flourishing and discovering a new facet of myself, a new SELF.

So during my life (that's forty years), I've managed to be:

• An artist, selling my paintings and organizing art events.

• An art decorator who also conducted creative workshops for children and adults.

• A photographer, who was mostly engaged in events photographing and making portraits, capturing the soul of a person on a camera flash drive during a therapeutic conversation. A photographer who organized two personal photo exhibitions.

• A creator and organizer of women's community and inspiring and wonderful events for women.

• A woman obsessed by cooking pastry and dessetrs, and dreaming about creating my cafe/confectionery.

• An organizer of events full of meanings, emotions, and feelings since early childhood and throughout all my professional career.

• A marcom who uses the entire palette of marketing communications, constantly playing and experimenting.

• A couturier of ideas, who gushes with ideas and inspires others....

These are all my roles that people around me know well from certain periods and spaces...., and which I seem to have preserved and hidden somewhere deep in my core, in my essence....

And now I'm discovering other facets of myself:

• I write, I write a lot, I use therapeutic writing, experimental writing, writing in the flow. I started my blog at the end of 2022 and have written 56 articles in English and 51 in Ukrainian so far. During the almost two years of war, I wrote two manuscripts - one autobiographical, the other psychedelic fiction, which I cannot finish because it's ending directly depends on my level of consciousness and every month I completely change something. Writing heals me and immerses me in secret worlds and levels of the subconscious that I had never known before.

• I tried myself as a blogger or, as it is said in Europe, a content creator and I enjoyed talking to the camera, shooting videos, and sharing my experiences.

• I "touched" a little the film industry and like it as well.

• Now I'm experimenting with AI and trying to establish friendly contact with it, not fighting with it, not protesting against it, but just allowing myself to try and find ways in which AI can be useful, not harmful.

• And of course, diving deep into myself, I studied Buddhism and Hinduism, philosophy and psychology, religion and spirituality, Human Design and the Mayan Calendar, theosophy and esotericism, meditation and sound healing, and various spiritual practices and techniques. I discovered hiking and restored a deep contact with nature (mountains, forests, water).

• Finally, a bookworm who heals through reading.

Every time I finished a certain stage of my life, I cut off a part of myself, saying goodbye to myself, and when I was in Prien am Chiemsee in Germany in December 2023, on the same river, I realized not at the level of knowledge, but at the level of feelings that this is all me - I have always been, am and will be. It's all mine, it's all my manifestations of my creative energy and my essence in different aspects, and there on that river they finally returned to me, home. And this return allowed me to finally feel the integrity that I had lost, that I had voluntarily given away. The essence of a person, if I may say so, is always in him/her, it cannot be stolen or killed, it does not go anywhere, it is always there, it just needs to be returned through integration and allowed to manifest in the outside world. And there, standing on the river and admiring the mountains and the water, I felt that something was happening inside me, inside my essence, something was being born again.... This new something does not yet have words or sentences, this something does not even have a certain form yet, it is in the process of becoming and forming to eventually manifest in this 3D world, the world where we live and in which everything materializes. And my brain often turns on an old record: "What is this? Can we do it? What if we don't succeed? What if it doesn't work out? What if this is not me and not my way?" And then I take three conscious deep breaths and say confidently, but very calmly: "Shut up! I do not ask you!" And it stops talking, and the Soul finally dances, because I, as a human being, allow this new thing to form and manifest without manipulation, using all the experience I have accumulated throughout my life and revealing from a new angle all the knowledge, talents and gifts that I have already manifested and that are still quietly sleeping.

Integration is the call of all your aspects to come home to you, to come back. This call is made by the voice of your Soul so loud and powerful that all aspects finally begin to hear and return. These aspects can be both positive and negative. But you are you and they are yours. And it is up to you to decide what to keep, because it is your essence, and what to let go of, because they no longer serve you, they do not develop you, they depress you and reduce your energy. But the art of letting go will be another article. Integration is assembling yourself like a Lego constructor from all your parts and sifting through a sieve of all that is, separating the wheat from the chaff.

"I create myself out of myself."

February 17, 2024.