War external and internal

Not everyone will understand this text. But it's not for everyone. This does not mean that some people are smart and some are not; some are good and some are bad; some are like-minded, and some are strangers. This means that all of us, despite the complicated challenge in the sense of war we faced at the same time, are on different vibrations, receive different experiences, and go on different paths, our personal path's.

You can understand what it means to live, to truly live, only when you stand on the edge. You see death, it holds you tightly by the throat and does not allow you to breathe freely, you feel its presence, taste, and smell it. And it's scary. This is frightening. At this moment, you realize what life is and you would like to live not die, on that side of the "river" you will come but not now, you would like to prolong your stay here as long as possible. You realize that only life is worth your attention and you have to LIVE it, you have to taste it, feel it, you have to be with it in a romantic-erotic relationship, full of feelings and intimacy, you have to dance and sing it.... And when you realize all this, you don't need anymore to wear masks and play roles in society, to have power or influence, recognition or image, social status or "statue".... You simply realize that all this is tinsel, which is needed only for human's ego, and all this will in no way make your life and you neither more full and bright nor more happy and satisfied. All this isn't worth your attention. Only you deserve your attention. And your life!

One day I woke up and could not get out of bed. I was 35 or 36. I don't remember exactly, in the war (both internal and external) all days, weeks, months and even years are the same. Only very epic moments are remembered - completely apocalyptic or vividly positive. I screamed. I cried. I moaned from physical and mental pain. I blamed everyone and Cosmos. I demanded that my beautiful and magical life come back to me. I was waiting for it to come back. But no, it didn't. Someday the point of no return came, and it would never be like before. I asked, "why me?" But when time passes, you understand WHY and realize that it will not be like before anymore, because you are already a completely different person. Pain and unhuman suffering, obstacles, and challenges change us, although it is very difficult to change. It is NOT difficult to make a new hairstyle, change the style of clothing, do some non-standard photo sessions, or even put a smile on your face. But it is difficult to change yourself internally. It is difficult to let go of old patterns and stereotypes even under difficult external circumstances. It is difficult to do and behave in a new way. But this is the path of evolution and we either change on our own, or the external circumstances will twist us so much that there will be no other choice than to change.

Internal and external war has the same tools and influential patterns.

By internal war, I mean the war that takes place inside the human essence (it can be, for example, illness, or some kind of loss, so it concerns only you and is only indirectly related to the outside world). By external war, I mean the war that takes place outside the boundaries of human nature, as, for example, the current war in Ukraine, when the country's aggressor invaded the territory of a peaceful sovereign country. So, when in this text I will use the word "war", I will mean both a full-scale invasion into the territory of Ukraine (or, for example, any other country) and any internal transformational processes that take place inside the human essence.

War is always about pain and suffering, on the one hand, and change, transformation, and metamorphosis, on the other. It changes us and makes us stronger, wiser, and more conscious. It forces us to reconsider our whole life, our values, approaches, and mindset, and throw away all the junk, physical and mental.

War is darkness when there is no light and it becomes scary.

But when the external light turns off, the internal light automatically turns on and starts to shine, a little, then more, then even more. This inner light illuminates the darkness around us and most importantly our darkness (the place where consciousness has not yet been), our inner demons and fears. And at this time it is necessary to see, see them, and dissolve them. It is difficult. It's super complicated. But this inner light will not allow hiding or covering something inside yourself, it will shine so brightly and painfully until a person sees and awakens. This blackout of consciousness would no longer allow you to be who you were because you have already fundamentally changed. Now your inner light changes everything around you and you build a new life.

Of course, there will be moments of failure and devaluation, fluctuations and storms, pain and suffering. And again you will want to crawl under the blanket and hide, cry, and cry even more. And again there will be despondency and apathy. And again something will not work out, something will go wrong and not according to your plan. And again you can fall apart and it hurts. But you will find strength and divinity in yourself and rise again and again and go, forward, towards changes, towards yourself. And if you can't go, then crawl. If you can't crawl, then lie in the direction of change and pray!

Thank. Smile. Rejoice. Fall and rise again. But go. Not to stop, not to sit still, slowly dying. By the way, many people are very healthy and physically fine, but they died before they died. Breathe. Watch. Eat. Walk. Read. Communicate. Dance. Sing. Dream…. It's an unreal feeling of life…. Not brands and statuses... But you feel it only on the edge.

A rock that stands silently on the shore of the ocean still stands, regardless of the waves, small and large, gigantic and super-giant. It is standing. Because it knows that it is a rock, and the waves from the ocean are only external paraphernalia that polishes and transforms but does not conquer it. These are the waves that form these beautiful rocks that stand for centuries and amaze us with their beauty and greatness.

I wish all of you to feel like a rock and not pay attention to external circumstances in the form of waves from the ocean, which are now more like a tsunami. You are a rock. And nothing and no one will move you from your place, the point of your existence, because you and only you are responsible for your life. Taking responsibility for your life without blaming anyone is a sign of real freedom. Be free!!!

January 19, 2023.