Being different = Being authentic

When we are small children, we are who we are, not pretending to be someone else, not thinking about what others will think of us or how they will evaluate us, whether they like us or dislike us. At this period in our lives, we are truly authentic with our vulnerabilities, "unbeauties", weirdness, and differences. The more adult and mature we become, the more societal rules, norms, obligations, and trends influence us and force us to change ourselves unconsciously. The more we become as our herd, community, society, the more masks we wear to fit in a particular situation, community, work, country, etc. And then one day, we forget who we were and who we meant to be because now we are the majority pretending to be ourselves. So, being truly authentic does not mean being like the majority, but being DIFFERENT.

But what does being different mean??? First of all, being different means you dare to stand out from the norms, fictional traditions and trends, societal understanding of how you should look physically, how you should behave, what clothes you should wear, what hairstyle and makeup you should make, what and how you should write and speak, and even how to manage your social media pages. In other words, you dare not fit yourself anymore into a particular cell of society. Secondly, you have the courage to face the truth: the truth about you, other people, the world, and you in this world. Thirdly, it's not about creating your fancy personal brand or beautiful aesthetic; it's about your painful lived experience. Fourth, being different does not mean standing out and being liked; it means standing in your internal and eternal beauty and being disliked, misunderstood, misread, etc. And last but not least, you are present and not performing: you are bold, uncomfortable, loud even in complete silence (by loud I do not mean scream or shout, I mean that your silent deeds are louder than the external noise of millions). 

People do not like and admire different people; they are afraid of them, they can even hate them because their internal courage and strength irritate their internal demons, and they do not want to face their demons, which are uncomfortable and terrible. And believe me, people stop like you when you stop pleasing them, make them like you by all means, try to be like others. The more you become different, the more you become strange and sometimes even insane for them. That is the true indicator of your authenticity, because "insanity" (by insanity I do not mean schizophrenia or other complicated mental illnesses) in this understanding is about stepping out of the mass consciousness. This is about being courageous enough to stand by all means with your differences, even despite criticism, humiliation, accusations, loneliness, and dislikes. The true path to authenticity is all about deep loneliness. If you are surrounded by hundreds or thousands of people and they like you, so something is wrong with your authenticity - remember, people do not like and accept different people, that is an inherent and embedded mind's program, particularly of the conditioned mind (egoic mind). The only one exclusion can be if you are a well-known person performing "on stage," meaning wearing a mask, and you can have thousands of those masks preparing yourself for a particular role every time, and in real life, you can be a very different person. 

Authenticity does not come in curated, controlled, and manipulated versions of how to become a better version of yourself. Authenticity comes from endless and terrified emptiness full of internal demons and darkness. Out of this extreme discomfort of seeing who you become, facing your darkness in all the manifestations of your ego, the truth evolves. This truth dissolves and kills the illusion, Maya, of your egoic understanding of being yourself, and reveals to you the painful realization of who you are not. Out of understanding of who you are not, something new begins to be born step by step, like a new child with new negative and positive experiences, mistakes, falls, and finding the strength to rise and move further.

Authenticity is a challenging path to yourself. It disrupts the status quo, when your true voice is louder than external noise dictating who you should/must become. This is a difficult experience of losing and letting go, of becoming nobody and nothing before feeling who you truly are. It is about living in harmony with your values, voice, and experiences, and not trying anymore to be liked and understood. And when you become authentic, you will never again betray your values and goals, your feelings and emotions, you will never try to fit somewhere yourself and be like others just to be a part of that community or society. 

Authenticity comes from rdiscomfort, pain, and radical inner honesty when you step out of the illusion into uncertainty.

I am not afraid to share my personal experience because I believe it can help others, but on the other side, authenticity is always about vulnerability and feeling naked among people in fancy and expensive costumes. 

The Yuliia I became in Ukraine during the last year was far away from authentic self, but I was liked and appreciated by a lot of people. Unconsciously I tried my best to become the best version "of myself" (but truly of the expectations of the society), it turned to obsessity that lead to problems with health; because ultimately my soul told me: "stop this game, my dear, you are already too much far away of whom you were and meant to be". The only way to stop a person is an extreme situation like illness, death, or war. When I was forced to take off my masks, the truth revealed - people stopped liking and adoring me. It was a huge challenge for my ego.

Now the biggest indicator for me is when people do not like or understand me - I am on the right path, my path, not someone else's path.

Someone I know in Germany told me once, "You know, I envy you. You are not afraid to be yourself, to tell the truth even if others do not like this truth or you. I cannot afford myself such a behaviour, that's a luxurious privilege; and you can!" And you know what, my dear readers, to be authentic, to be different, and to be yourself is a luxurious privilege because it costs you too much of everything....

Be....